The times, they are a-changin'

Google.

What a great invention, right? They may be monopolizing the search engine industry (which I normally would not condone), but you have to admit they're pretty much the best of its kind.

Sorry buddy.
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According to a reliable source (the Kane Show on Hot 99.5, obvi), Google is now planning to start personalizing search results for Google+ members by showing results that include friends' posts and pictures.  (Apparently this is a very controversial topic in the technology world)

Although my chauffeur carpool buddy/sister and I were seriously creeped out by this invasion of privacy, I personally find it even creepier that they track your search history and base future results on what you've looked for in the past. MYOB, Google!

Until yesterday, that is. Why? I'll tell you why.

Y? Because we like you!
(Marry me Ryan Gosling)
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Because yesterday while procrastinating researching song lyrics for potential blog titles, I searched for http://www.rapgenius.com/. If you've never been there, go. Right now. I'll wait.

It's a site that magically translates rap lyrics for those of us who may be lacking... shall we say, street smarts.

Obviously not people like me.... you may or may not know this, but I ball so hard.
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Anyway, an hour later shortly thereafter I was back on Google looking for something completely unrelated... or so I thought.

I entered "lyrics speak" (I think I was actually looking for Taylor Swift lyrics... don't judge).  And what did the wizards at Google bring me?  An educational rap teaching kids about public speaking.

Listen to it here in all its glory: http://www.educationalrap.com/song/public-speaking.html

I know, I know. It's amazing. (My favorite line is, of course: "Use vocab. that shows intellect and ambition")

And without the stalkerish genius technology of Google, I never would have known that such gems even existed-- or that there is an entire site of educational raps, for that matter. (To all my teacher friends like KLake, I beg you to use one of these to teach your kids and report back.)

The moral of this story? Even though it's annoying when nerds (who dropped out of college and yet have more money than you can ever dream of making) change around the technology you're used to.... not all change is bad.

Being open to change can bring things you never even knew you needed-- but you now can't live without.

Talkin ‘bout Good Hydratio-onnn!

You know how pretty much every movie or sitcom that takes place in an office setting has a water cooler where everyone gathers to gossip?

"Did you SEE the tie he was wearing yesterday?!"
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I thought those were a Hollywood invention, or a thing of the past that no one really uses anymore—sort of like receptionists or phones with those weird shoulder rests.

Shoulder pads and feathered bangs optional.

Turns out I was wrong—my office has a water cooler! Sadly, no one really gathers around it because it is shoved in the supply room next to a massive shredder (kid you not, I thought it was a refrigerator at first).

On our cooler is a sign which states in no uncertain terms that you are expected to replace the big jug when it is empty (the "OR ELSE" is implied).

Being the nervous newbie conscientious citizen that I am, I took that sign to heart the other day when it looked like the jug was empty.

Big mistake. Huge.
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It's probably easiest to just give you my inner monologue of the fiasco that ensued:

Oh crap, the water jug looks empty and there are only about 15 people in the office today... they'll KNOW it was me if I don't replace it.

But I don't know how to do this... can I even lift one of those jugs? I mean I'm pretty strong... I work out! [musical interlude into LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It"]

Sorry for party rockin.

Once I stopped singing to myself, I decided it would be smart to get the last few drops out of the jug before taking it off and potentially spilling water all over the place (let's be honest, that WOULD happen to me).

Wait, there's still more water in there. Ok probably just one more cupful and it'll be empty/safe to remove.... No? Ok, just ONE more.... nope.... one more try.....

Fast forward to the part where all of a sudden I have EIGHT cups of water sitting on the counter.

Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap... omg what if someone comes in and sees the crazy lady hoarding the water cups?!

Nothing to see here, folks. Nothing to seee.
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Welp, there's nothing left to do except hydrate, destroy the evidence, replace that darn jug and get the heck outta here as quickly as possible.

Have you ever chugged 5-6 glasses of FREEZING cold water in a very short amount of time? I do not recommend it. Pretty sure my esophagus has frostbite now....

As I was approaching the finish line, in walks a very chatty coworker.

Oh geez. Play it cool, Molly. Just slide gracefully in front of the counter and block the cups from sight. Throat is frozen.... just nod... I'm sure he won't notice... omg why is he giving me that weird look? MOVE ALONG, buddy.

Ok he's gone. Whew. Replace jug... check. Wait. Why is it bubbling like that? Is it going to overflow? I better fill up another cup to make sure it doesn't. Maybe one more just to be safe....

Thankfully my sister and co-worker took a couple of glasses off my hands before I exploded... although they seem to be under the impression that my delivering water will now be a regular occurrence...

Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you
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Welcome to my life.

Also, I'M NEVER DRINKING WATER AGAIN.