Where do you go, my lovely? Where do you go?

The title of this blog post, aside from being one of the most annoying best '90s club/dance hits, is talking to 2011... where the heck did it go??? I swear it just started about a month ago. I feel like I didn't get anything done!!!

Some people love New Year's.  I, however, have had mixed feelings about it ever since preschool. 

I know, I know. "Umm why are you telling us about preschool, Molly?"

Because I'm the blogger that's why, punk.

Also, preschool was when I realized that each year only came ONCE. EVER.  For some reason my four year-old brain just assumed that once we got to the end of the 1990s, the decade would just start over and.... hey, welcome back 1990! Good to see you again!

[In my defense, I suffered a lot of traumatic brain injuries in my youth (clumsiness + 2 siblings big enough to push you around = a girl who spells her own name wrong until kindergarten), so the cognitive skills may have been delayed/damaged a bit.]

But I digress. 

So ever since Mrs. Hill informed me that we would never EVER get to use our 1991 calendar again, New Year's has been somewhat bittersweet in my opinion. 

Yes, we're welcoming a brand spankin new year of possibilities and opportunities.

Yes, we (adults) have a paid day off work and have an excuse to party all night long if we want.

Yes, we're getting older and (hopefully) wiser.

Yes, we get to buy a new spiffy planner and/or page-a-day calendar of crosswords.

But the new year comes with a lot of pressure.  It's almost as if the universe is saying, "Welp you didn't really do much last year, so you BETTER make this one count! Or else." 

And yes, in my universe, I am Mr. Miyagi. Got a problem with that?
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I personally don't like making New Years resolutions. Who wants to end a year feeling like a failure? No thank you, I don't need resolutions for that.  But for 2012, I am going to issue myself a personal challenge:

Record and reflect on the accomplishments I make throughout the year.  I know I accomplished a LOT in 2011-- Master's degree, first job, mastering the art of driving, etc.-- but is that what I focus on this week? Of course not.  Instead, it's back to the usual "oh woe is me, another year closer to wrinkles and gray hair and I have nothing to show for myself except a $35k piece of paper diploma."

No mas. In 2012, I challenge myself (and those of you reading this) to take some time to write down your achievements-- however big or small-- and indulge in a little pat on the back instead of focusing on the things you didn't do.  Every year doesn't have to be full of Oscars and Pulitzer prizes and BEST DAY EVERs... as long as you are proud of what you've been able to do and the person you've become, I'd say that's a pretty darn fantastic year.

Cheers, and best wishes for 2012.

Have a holly jolly molly Christmas

It has been AGES since I wrote a blog… so sorry, friends! Trust me, there have been plenty of life events and random rants that have crossed my mind over the last 2 months, but somehow just never made it to the keyboard.  Don’t worry, this steel trap has remembered them all and will probably be writing blogs on a near-daily basis while I’m stuck at work and all you school personnel are enjoying your cushy 2-week breaks. (Nope, not bitter at all)

I love this time of year—people are generally friendlier, families get together, and everyone slacks off takes time to relax.  It’s also the time of year when indulging in guilty pleasures is fairly socially acceptable.  For some people, this means boozing it up at holiday parties (more on this topic later).  For others, it means throwing caution and the food pyramid to the wind and eating copious amounts of cookies.  Still others see this as a time of year to shop til they drop, regardless of what those credit card bills may say.  It’s ok, we all have our vices. What is my holiday vice, you may ask? (I’m assuming you did since you’re still reading.)

Cheesy holiday movies—the Hallmark-ier, the better.  Lifetime, ABC Family, and the Hallmark movie channel have played a crucial role in enabling this addiction of mine with their 25 Days of Endless Movie Marathons. 

I don’t know what it is about these movies—which I am fully aware are really, really terrible in almost every dimension—that is so addicting. Perhaps it is seeing families that are inevitably crazier than mine still manage to pull off a fun and memorable Christmas, while making me feel more normal. Maybe it’s due to the fact that they help me get in the holiday spirit no matter what is going on at home/work. I think these movies serve as a form of escapism (after all, Dad can’t drag me outside to teeter precariously on a ladder hanging tangled icicle lights if I’m holed up in the basement watching movies, right?).

I’m trying not to read too much into why these movies get to me… probably because as a former Psych major, I’m not entirely sure I want to find out why watching Christina Milian stuck in a snowglobe is so darn entertaining to me.

Even a CCJ (Cheesy Christmas Junkie) like myself has limits, however.  I apologize in advance if this ruins any of your favorite holiday classics, but THESE are the types of movies that even I cannot stand:

1.       Someone dies and comes back to life/is a ghost/is an angel and then becomes real (etc.)

a.       What’s so bad about these? “It’s a Wonderful Life” is a classic and it involves angels, you may argue.  This is true. And I adore IAWL.  Heck, even the Bible’s Christmas Special involves angels (kind of a crucial part of the story) and I have no issue with this.

The main difference is this: in these stories, there is no false hope that angels, ghosts, loved ones, former pets, and/or snowmen can really come back to life. (Jack Frost is a double-whammy, where some kid’s dead dad comes back. As. A. SNOWMAN. Barf.)

and not even a cute snowman...
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What kind of message does this send to the intended audience kids who watch these? “Well, if you wish hard enough, you CAN will your lost loved ones to come back to life because Christmas is magic. If that doesn’t work, then nothing is ever worth believing in, so you might as well stop now and become a bitter and hardened Scrooge.”  Ho ho ho, boys and girls.

2.       Neighbors compete in Home Improvement-esque holiday light contests, disasters ensue around every corner. This spirit of competitive catastrophes extends to movies based around getting a specific toy at all costs.

a.       So many things to have an issue with here.  My main beef is that they’re simply not funny. Sure, I howled at Tim Taylor when he would fall off his roof and nearly electrocute himself with enough lights to be seen from space.  The key differences:

                                                               i.      Home Improvement was a sitcom, therefore only lasted 20 minutes. Any kind of disaster that lasts longer just makes me cringe and feel embarrassed/mortally wounded for the characters

                                                             ii.      In a sitcom, there is a pre-established context and characters that you already know and like.  Sorry movie characters, but if you are a competitive jerk from the get-go, I’m not going to enjoy the next 90 minutes.

                                                            iii.      People who waste thousands of dollars on holiday decorations and electric bills when others are barely making ends meet just frustrate me.

b.      As for the toy part… well no offense, but it’s their own darn fault for A) waiting until the last minute to get the year’s hottest toy and B) for raising a spoiled brat who wouldn’t be grateful for anything except that ONE toy. Plus, Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot act. (The whole consumerism focus of the holiday is its own soapbox, which I won’t get into here)

1996 was a dark year for Christmas movies
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3.       Divorced parents get back together because it’s Christmas magic and mistletoe has superpowers.

a.       Again, let’s think about the kids who may actually be in a similar position and still naïve enough to think that movies reflect real life. It’s not okay to give them false hope that their parents will/should be back together just because it’s Christmas. Ditto goes for movies where kids ask Santa for a new mom/dad after their other parent dies/abandons them/joins Witness Protection. That’s just weird. Kids are not matchmakers, thank goodness.  Half of the world would be trying to set their parents up with Buzz Lightyear or something.

But Mom, he was Toy Story's Most Eligible Bachelor 3 years in a row!
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Also, if anyone ever tried to make me kiss an ex just because we happened to be standing under the same dead plant, I’d probably toss my Lactaid Egg Nog in their holly jolly face.  Just sayin.

4.       The last one is tiny, and not necessarily a deal-breaker—more of a pet peeve: when kids have to convince the world that Santa exists.  Why do parents/Hollywood plant that seed of doubt in little kids’ minds in the first place?? And finally, it really bugs me when Santa (who the child has proved is real) then brings presents like puppies and parents don’t pull their spouse into the kitchen to yell at them and ask what possessed them to buy a living creature without discussing it with them first, they both accuse each other of doing it, and fight for the next two hours. No, instead they ooh and ahh at the cute mystery pet who is now piddling on their Persian carpet. It’s just so unrealistic. 

Oh wait... I think I get it actually.
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And yes, the only logical flaw I can find in these movies is the fact that the characters don’t argue like normal people would… not the portrayal of Santa or elves or magic or Christmases that always have snow.

They say the first step to recovery is acknowledging you have a problem…

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa, Merry Festivus, and Happy Sunday to you and your family.  I hope it is filled with good food, memories, and blessings galore.

I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies

Exciting news, which you probably already know: Chris was cast as an extra in a movie!!!!  He's going to be in the new Spielberg movie, Lincoln, which also happens to star the last Mohican Daniel Day Lewis.

AKA the second-best looking white man/Native American sympathizer. After Sully, of course.
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Now, how does one react when they find out that someone they love accomplishes such an awesome and exciting once-in-a-lifetime opportunity?  Well, I don't want to say that either Chris or I are dramatic or that we immediately assumed that he is going to have a huge part and be a famous movie star....  soooooo I guess I'll have to show you our gchat instead:

Chris: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  I just got called for the Lincoln Movie!!!!!

  BOOOOYAH!

me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Chris: This motha f#%^er is gunna be famous son!!!! 

[We were already excitedly talking on the phone before I noticed that he called me 'son.' Hmm.]

We then made a bet about how many "likes" and comments there would be on his ecstatic facebook status.

2003 called, they want their "Booyah!" back.

I know, I know. Please don't be intimidated by our extremely mature, adult, and not-at-all competitive relationship.

(Also, I totally won the bet.)

But OF COURSE we didn't have delusions of grandeur about how much screen time he'd get/how his acting career would be launched into the stratosphere/how I'd get to be a movie star's girlfriend....

Ok, maybe a little...
Hey, dream big or go home.

Congratulations Chris!

So proud of you and can't wait to see you in action on the battlefield/accepting that Oscar!

Just remember who got one first ;)

I've been everywhere, man

So sorry for taking such a long hiatus from le blog! The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of exciting events, coordinating travel plans, and working extra hours since I technically don't get vacation time at work. (#newbie problem)

What have I been up to, you ask? To find out, please make sure your seats and tray tables are in their upright and locked positions, and make sure your seatbelt is securely fastened.

The emergency exit is located at the top right of your browser.
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My long weekend began with me taking the the Metro from work to the Amtrak station on Thursday. My grad school friends nicknamed me the "Metro Queen" due to my hearty endorsement and masterful usage of the D.C. public transit system.

What can I say? I started young.

But in all the times I've ridden the Metro, I don't think I've ever seen anyone I know on a train.

THIS time (of course when I am laden down with a giant magenta suitcase, a heavy briefcase stuffed to the gills with work I probably won't be doing over the weekend, a brown-bag dinner thoughtfully provided by my sister, and quite possibly the kitchen sink), I had just maneuvered into a seat when I looked up and saw a guy who looked exactly like one of my Longwood classmates.


Hm. I'll have to tell Todd he has a long-lost twin in DC! I thought to myself.
 Aww look, Todd's twin is friendly like him, because he's making eye contact and smiling at me across the train. And saying hi. And motioning for me to come over. And.... wait a second! It IS Todd! 


(Pretty sure the only reason people think I'm somewhat intelligent is because I don't say half of the things that go through my head...)

So that was a fun start to the trip, running into an old friend. I'm sure the old man whose toes got run over by my rolling wardrobe suitcase when I changed seats didn't necessarily agree, but Todd and I enjoyed catching up!

Fast-forward one Amtrak ride to Richmond, a good night's sleep, and a drive/ride to Longwood on Friday morning.

Chris was invited to represent the Class of 2009 at the Inauguration of our alma mater's 25th president, Patrick Finnegan, which is a huge honor (for him as an alum, and me as a dorky proud girlfriend/alum). 

So suave. So distinguished. So blurry.

We had a very nice luncheon before the ceremony and got to chat with some fellow alumni representatives, professors, and delegates from Longwood's sister universities, which was really nice.

(Though I must say, one drawback of attending a formerly all-female institution is that the alumni association is made up primarily of little old ladies with tiny bladders... which translates to rather long lines for the restroom. Whatever, they were adorable.)


The inauguration ceremony was even better than expected. Since Chris was sitting with all the important people, I sat with one of my sorority sisters who was there as a guest too. She was gracious enough to not make fun of my audible stomach growls during the ceremony (sorry, but this stomach will never be content with salad as an entree).

The speeches were entertaining, the president was humble, and the alumni were proud.  But the highlight of the afternoon was this quote from President Finnegan:

"Is today a great day to be a Lancer or what? The weather is beautiful here in Farmville, I've got a new job, some new threads, and best of all, some serious bling!"

Damn, it feels good to be a Lancer

After the ceremony, we got to chat with former professors, the few current students we know (since we're SO OLD and everything, ha!), and wait in line to get our picture taken with PFinn.

Does he or does he not, look like a Leprechaun? An awesome Leprechaun, that is.

We also found Chris's long-lost twin:

Boss. Hugo Boss.

 And creeped on the Pats: former president Patricia Cormier and current president Patrick Finnegan.

"No Patti, you CAN'T have your old job back! Stop pestering me woman!"

After a delicious dinner and a 20 oz of pure tequila margarita at the new Mexican restaurant in town, we headed back to Richmond to pack for the next leg of our journey: Tampa!

And by "pack," I of course mean "watch a sci-fi movie and two college football games". Naturally.

Which may have been why we had to get up at 3:00 am to get ready for our 6:25 flight.

I won't bore you with all the nitty-gritty details, but things got a little nervewracking as we were running late, (in large part due to VDOT closing bridges and roads all willy-nilly)... especially since Chris was expected to be a groomsman in his sister's wedding that afternoon.  For the record, I remained-- quite uncharacteristically-- as cool as a cucumber throughout the craziness.

Thankfully we made our flight. Although my traveling companion could have been a tad more entertaining...

I'll let you guess who did not spend the layover consuming their bodyweight in caffienated beverages.

Sorry this is the longest post ever.  Next post will be about the beautiful wedding and sightseeing in Tampa! :)  

Your mama warned you there'd be days like these

I don't know about you folks, but it sure has been one of those days for me.

Not the fun, nostalgic "those were the days" type, or even the blase, indifferent "meh, just one of those days" kind of day.

No my friends. It was one of THOSE days.

One of those days in which a person is hard-pressed to keep hold of their sanity-- let alone their sense of humor.

Someone experiencing one of these days also may or may not lose sight of the fact that the world is probably not devoting all of its energy to the sole task of ruining one’s life just for kicks and giggles.

(Clearly, there’s a reason the world is out to get you. Murder. Tax evasion. Failure to return a chain letter in 4th grade. Things of that nature, I’m sure).

What contributes to one of THOSE days, you ask? Here are a few examples that are, of course, completely fictional and certainly did not happen to me today:

• Mondays. Fairly self-explanatory.
• Also, the Word of the Day email was totally lame today. Strike 2.
• Facing an extra-long workday. On a Monday.
• Granted, it’s because you have to make up hours for the days you’ll be on vacation, but let’s not split hairs here people. Focus.

• Sitting through an hour-long meeting where the main item on the agenda is to inform you and your boss that you’re doing pretty much everything wrong.
• Tragically, everyone in the room appears to be suffering from amnesia, as they all forget that they're the ones who taught you how to complete the project.
• Having to stop what you’re doing to redo work you thought you’d finally finished a week ago
• Thankfully your computer breaks up the monotony by freezing while you're in the middle of an important task.
• You have a minor coronary panic attack but finally get the computer unstuck… when it decides to update and restart immediately, causing you to lose everything you’d accomplished over the last 45 minutes
• WHY is auto-save NOT a standard feature? And we’re supposed to believe that Bill Gates is a genius. Psh.
• Speaking of geniuses: you meet with your boss several times and walk around the office for 4.5 hours without realizing that your zipper is undone.  And you’re wearing bright orange underwear.
• Awesome.

Everyone has days like these, right? Right?!?

Are things like this relatively minor in the grand scheme of things? Yes. Could life be much, much worse? Yes. Will we survive? Yes. Should we be thankful for all the great things we do have? Yes.

But when you're in the midst of it, it feels like there's no way out of the universe's diabolical plot to make you miserable.

Hopefully you have friends/family like mine who will listen to you complain for a little bit and end up making you smile, feel a bit better, and help you get on with your life.  (And, hello, if you're reading this I'm assuming we're good enough friends to be GChat contacts... which is quite the exclusive list. I'm here for ya buddy!)

But for those days when even a hug and all the complaining in the world just aren't cutting it, I leave you this video:




If watching Phoebe try to play the guitar with her teeth doesn't make you at least crack a smile... it's time to call a professional.

Holiday... Celebrate...

As you know, my house is still in the stages of reconstruction from our DIY summer projects.  Many buried treasures have been found throughout the unpacking process:

--My grandfather's harmonica

(which I fully intend to learn to play, in case I meet Tom Petty & he wants to jam)

--An engraved cup with my birthdate, weight, height etc

(telling everyone I was a chunkster... apparently low self-esteem was on the registry?)

--A pamphlet detailing the secret to a happy marriage

(there will be an entire blog post about this coming soon) 

and countless other artifacts that had been tucked away for quite some time.

Aside from providing comedic relief to us weary unpaid laborers and offering rather enlightening information about our parents' lives BC (before children), some of these antiques are pretty awesome and still useful today. Case in point: The Art of Mixing Drinks.

This book-- with its 1,000 recipes for alcoholic drinks-- was originally published in 1957, when drinking during the middle of the day, at the office, or while pregnant were all socially acceptable practices.

Those were the days, amiright?
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In addition to providing readers with super-complex recipes such as Whiskey Mist: 1.5 oz whiskey, lemon peel. Pour Whiskey over ice. Add lemon peel. [Call me crazy, but I think that's just whiskey with a garnish...], the last 9 pages of the book are entitled 365 Reasons for a Party.

Jackpot.

Needless to say, my sister and I had a blast going through these. Our first thought was to look up today's date... and wouldn't you know it, we just missed celebrating the anniversary of Arkansas' Tribute to a Mule Pageant.

Worst pageant title. EVER.

Forget Columbus Day, THIS is a reason to celebrate. Already planning for next year.

Next task: see what "holidays" fall on our birthdays... this is where it started to get weird, folks.

Eileen's (February 8th): Anniversary of the N.Y. Dog Show

Bella Rafferty is our resident mutt and she approves of this sign.
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Dad's (April 11th): Anniversary of FDR's increase of the National Debt Limit

My dad is one of the cheapest... er, thriftiest people I've ever met. Which makes this even funnier.
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Chris's (May 4th): Rhode Island Independence Day

R.I is so hipster, they celebrated independence before it was mainstream.
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Mine (July 21st): Anniversary of Belgian Independence

Why yes, I will raise a glass to any country who can cleverly fit a beer stein into their national flag.
Op uw gezondheid!
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Erin's (September 14th): Anniversary of the Gregorian Calendar

You now have a foolproof way to remember which days have 30/31 days... and an awesome party trick.
You're welcome. Also, those are supposed to be knuckles, fyi.
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Mom's (October 27th): First mink bottle opener appears

Not even kidding, this is what popped up when I googled "mink bottle opener"...
Raise your hand if you're glad you didn't grow up in the '50s.
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Dave [Eileen's bf] (December 28th): Holy Innocent's Day

Riiiight.

I will scan and upload the full list for you guys soon... in the meantime, go forth and party hard on these ridiculous holidays, just as your grandparents did back in the day.

P.S. To all of my sorority sisters: according to this book, October 20th is the Alpha Delta Pi Alumnae Meeting... reunion party, anyone?

Jingle all the way...

Has anyone else noticed that hardly anyone makes their own commercial jingles these days? Seriously, think about it. How many companies can you automatically sing their original tune/catchy phrase?  I can only think of four:

1.  Subway $5 Footlongs

C'mon, you know it's catchy

2.  Eastern Motors

Although I have no idea what this company does, I do know that your job’s your credit

3.  Free Credit Report.com

Mostly the pirate one, the others not so much

4.  Cotton commercials

I’m pretty sure a polyester blend is the fabric of my life… it won’t shrink in the dryer. But darn it if Zooey Deschanel singing this little ditty doesn't haunt my dreams.

Now think back to when you were a kid. EVERYTHING had a jingle! I could probably rattle off about 8 without even breaking a sweat:

1.   Goldfish

2.   Band-aid

3.   Invisible fencing

4.   Upton’s

5.   Ross

6.   Old navy performance fleece

7. Bagel Bites

8. Mentos

9.   Fruit stripes gum

10.   Doublemint gum

11. Big Red gum

btw, how did the gum industry go from jingles galore to Orbit’s lame “dirty mouth” gimmick? Tragedy.

This brings me to my soap box of the day: why do ad execs feel the need to hijack ACTUAL songs instead of being creative and making up a jingle themselves?

Granted, there are always exceptions, but 99% of the time I am-- to say the least-- peeved by advertisements featuring some of my favorite songs.

1. Journey-  Any Way You Want It (some truck company)

 Customizing a truck... any way you want it. Clever.

2. Bob Seger- Like a Rock (Chevy)

Trucks are strong. And big. We get it.

3. Tina Turner- Simply the Best (Chevy)

Again with the trucks? Stop trying to convince us gas guzzlers are better.. or at least use country songs to appeal to your actual demographic

4. Charles Wright- Express Yourself (Coffee-Mate)

Sorry, but the only thing I think about when I'm getting coffee is how soon the caffiene will be kicking in... now how my choice of creamer will make me unique.

4. Beatles- Come Together (AT&T)

Sigh.

5. Heart- What about Love? (SWIFFER?!?!?!)

No. Sacrilege. Anthropomorphized pieces of dirt finding love with a mop? It makes absolutely no sense. I am enraged every time the commercials air.

The goddesses of rock are not amused either.
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Ok, enough ranting from me... we can all agree that all of these are terrible misuses of classic songs. And yet, Old Navy just HAD to go and up the ante recently by not only jacking an American musical legend... but they also had the nerve to butcher the lyrics into their own “jingle.”

Tiffany- I think we’re Alone Now (Old Navy) I’m Wearing a New Blouse????  (If you're feeling brave, watch below)

Stop. The. Madness.

Tiffany only had one hit… don’t take away her last shred of dignity masterpiece!!!!!

Side note: what happened to all those poor, unemployed jingle-writers who used to work for ad companies? Are they now seeking small, quaint towns like Stars Hollow where they can be the town Minstrel? Singing outside of coffee shops a la Phoebe Buffay? Eating nothing but their lifetime supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Fransisco treat?

Or maybe they’re living the high life off the royalties from their #1 hit song “Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar!”… hey, it could happen. [McWorld!]

Ellen Swift

If you had to name two celebrities you'd like to turn into a duet, who would they be? I have too many suggestions, some of which are not limited to human celebrities [Lamb Chop & Miss Piggy... can you imagine the amount of SASS?!], but here is one pairing I ADORE: Ellen DeGeneres and Taylor Swift. Why, you ask?

I love Ellen DeGeneres. She is hysterical for so many reasons:
-- She can't dance very well, but does it anyway
-- Her dry sense of humor & comedic timing
-- She is always thinking of some quirky fun idea
-- Her facial expressions are AMAZING
-- She speaks whale

I also love Taylor Swift. She is adorable for so many reasons:
-- She came to Longwood before hitting it big
-- Her music and music videos are just precious
-- She makes parodies of herself (T.Swizzle, anyone?)
-- She designs and choreographs all her shows, which are spectacular
-- She hair-flipped me in the face at a concert last year-- I'm pretty sure that makes us BFFs.

So when two of my favorite ladies in show business get together, you know it's going to be a good time. Enjoy the following "serious" interview... make sure to watch the entire thing.

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You betta shop around

Shopping. Some love it. Some hate it. Some are addicted to it. Some are rich enough to hire someone else to do it for them.

Where do you fall on this spectrum? I think it is my goal in life to be able to be in the "rich enough to hire someone else to do it for me" category.  [Granted, I would probably still send this employee to go shopping at Target and Old Navy instead of Bergdorf's.]

Seriously though. Shopping can be such a pain. When it is done properly with good (honest!) friends and a specific item to find, it can be a blast. However, it can be incredibly frustrating when you don't know exactly what you need.

Here's how a shopping trip with me usually goes:

Me: Hmm I know I need some clothes but don't know exactly what. Kohl's will have it!

Unsuspecting shopping companion: Oooh fun! I'll come and help!

3 hours, 2 fitting rooms, and 17 gray hairs later....
Me: I don't understand. I've tried on 8 different sizes of the same pants and none of them fit. Do I still have legs? I can't feel them anymore. I'll never wear pants agaaiiinn

Shopping companion: Hey Molly, I found this other pair of pants that looks like it will fit perfectly! Problem solved!

Me: Hmmm. I don't like that button. Let's keep looking.

Shopping companion: *bangs head against wall*

Clearly I am a delight to shop with.

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It's not totally my fault though-- fitting rooms are deceptive. Something can look fantastic on the rack but the second it gets behind those creepy doors with the slats in them, all bets are off. Suddenly the garment changes shape/color/style/size and is completely wrong for you.

The opposite is also true: an item of clothing that looks absolutely perfect in a fitting room often looks completely different in the comfort and non-fluorescent lighting of your own home. How do stores alter their mirrors to trick consumers into thinking clothes look great (and how do I get one of those mirrors?)?



Carnival mirror? Um, this is what we really look like I swear....

All of these frustrations would be solved if you could send someone to a store with a budget, size, and general idea of what to find and have them bring plenty of options to your house.  Then you'd be able to try them on in front of the bathroom mirror you use every day, without worrying about someone stealing your purse or getting evil glares from fitting room attendants who don't like the way you hung up that shirt.

I think it's a genius plan: shopping without all the hassles of actually shopping. So until I save up enough money to hire a personal shopper... are there any volunteers?

Fight for old DC!

Ahhh football season is back again! The time when communities pull together to cheer for their favorite teams, coworkers finally have something to discuss over the water cooler (does anyone work in an office that actually has one of these, btw?), and every fan truly believes that maybe-- just maybe-- this will be the year that their team turns things around and wins the Super Bowl. 

Before we go any further, you should know that I'm a fierce competitor... even in situations that don't necessarily call for actual competition.

Scrabble is a big deal, ok?
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This competitiveness extends to cheering for my favorite teams. One of the worst feelings a fan can experience is knowing that your team isn't good enough to be considered a threat to.... well, pretty much anyone. How depressing is that?

Them: You seem really jazzed about the game. Just another day at the office for us. Ho-hum.

You: Oh yeah?! Wellll.... crap. I got nothin.

Love means never having to say you're sorry for trash talking
p.s. the Redskins totally won that game.

Which brings me to the topic of rivalries: I love a good rival. Who doesn't?

As a Redskins fan, one must become accustomed to constant ribbing from fans of every other NFL team... and trust me, hearing a Lions fan make fun of your team without blowing a gasket requires a great deal of self-control.  We even have to deal with listening to all the sportscasters dismiss and/or outright insult our boys.        (Does anyone else want to start a petition banning former Dallas QB Troy Aikman from commentating a Redskins game, or is that just me?)

It's tough when people don't take your team seriously. However, there are two games every year which are taken very seriously by both sides no matter how terrible the Redskins are: the games against the Dallas Cowboys.

My dad's favorite shirt. And he's from New Jersey.

For those of you not familiar with football, the Redskins vs. Cowboys rivalry is probably one of the most notorious and intense rivalries in all of sports. We make a Yankees vs. Red Sox game look like an amicable meeting-of-the-minds.

Burn.

It may sound strange, but it's extremely gratifying to see another team thoroughly prepare, work hard, worry about the outcome, and put on their game faces before playing your team. (Finally)

Yes, commentators will insist on pointing out how long it's been since and/or how infrequently your team won the rivalry games. Yes, Troy will be especially obnoxious  biased in his color commentary. Yes, you will accuse the refs of being closet Dallas fans every time they make a call against the Redskins (accurate or not).  Yes, you will be a bundle of nerves and probably have dangerously high blood pressure by the end of the game.

You also will revel in every moment of the hype that leads up to the game, the palpable hometown pride, the smack-talk that actually goes both ways this time, and the realization that people from all around the country are watching the game because even they know it's a big deal. 

And yes, the excitement and emotions you feel during these two games will remind you why you love this sport, this town, and this team... regardless of the outcome.

Hail to the Redskins, hail victory!

The circle of life

Apparently I will only be titling my posts using catchy song lyrics.... you're welcome.

Until recently I thought I had my life all figured out-- I'd graduate and find a job at a school working as a counselor, be awesome at it, and live happily ever after while advising high school hooligans.  Not unreasonable, right? I could've been greedy and wished for a lot more...

Ok, a water slide would be pretty awesome
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However, that's just not what was in the cards for me at this point. It's been a long summer of job hunting, which thankfully was full of supportive friends and family who encouraged me, put up with my nervous breakdowns, and weren't afraid to give me a hug and/or smack upside the head when I needed it. That is love right there.

And you know what? It all worked out. I am now employed! I'll be researching community mental health services, which ties together my passion for being a nerd and my love of helping others.

How did I land such a sweet gig, you ask? One word: nepotism... er, I mean networking. My oldest sister got hired by the same company this summer, through a friend with connections. So once she dazzled the bosses with her mad skillz, she passed along the favor and forwarded my resume to them.  Here's the texting exchange that went down when I told her the good news:

Me: Oh heyyy coworker!
Her: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Omggg soooo happy for you!!!
Me: THANK YOU! I obviously couldn't have done it without you!!!!
Her: It's the job circle of life, obv I had help getting this job!
Me: hahahaa annd now I will have the Lion King stuck in my head allll day
Her: Score.

Aside from the facts that a. my sister is awesome and b. my family clearly has a problem with overusing exclamation points, the real takeaway messages here are:

• Don't give up/freak out if things don't go according to your plan. Adapt. 
• Don't be afraid to swallow your pride and ask for help  (trust me, people will be happy to help you become a productive member of society)
• Don't be afraid of rejection (it will happen and it will suck, but you will survive)
• Keep networking! The whole six-degrees of separation theory can only work in your favor
• Appreciate the wonderful people in your life and hang onto them... and of course, return/pass on the favor whenever possible!

So here's a big THANK YOU to my parents, sisters, boyfriend, best buds, faithful dog, and of course the Academy. You guys are what makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Best. Day. Ever.
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p.s. I'm now off to go shopping because both of my parents, upon hearing the good news, immediately asked when I'd be shopping for dress clothes. Perhaps I should've worn something other than t-shirts and gym shorts this summer-- if only to remind them that I do, in fact, own real clothes.

Total redo of the houuuuuuse

I hope you read the title of this post to the tune of "Total Eclipse of the Heart." If not, please go back and reread accordingly.

This spring and summer my family spent a good chunk of money, energy, time, and peace of mind redoing the majority of our house, due in large part to our friends over at Leaky Pipes, Inc. (Their slogan is "Ruining houses and summer vacations since 1901!" Catchy, amiright?).

Basically, this involved packing up everything in our dining room, living room, basement, and upstairs bathroom while coordinating our family's busy schedule with several contractors and a finicky insurance company who has since learned to screen our calls.


once you stop costing an arm and a leg to insure, that is
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So, in true Dr. Spin fashion, my sisters and I had the brilliant idea of seizing this opportunity and finally getting around to redecorate the living and dining rooms. Painting two square, empty rooms? Easy peasy. I've watched countless HGTV and TLC home improvement shows while bumming around job hunting-- how hard could this be?

HA! First of all, let me just put a blanket precaution out there: if you have perfectionist and/or overachieving tendencies do not, I repeat DO NOT, even entertain the idea of doing your own redecorating project. The money you spend on hiring someone else to do it will be far less than the amount you will spend on wine therapy, chiropractors, wrinkle cream and hair dye to cover the effects of the stress-- on top of the outrageous amount of supplies you will undoubtedly need (to which our good friend Stephane at Lowes can attest).

No one likes an enabler, Stephane

Remember the show Trading Spaces? Where two sets of neighbors stupidly bravely trust each other to redecorate a room in each other's house in 2 days, with only $1000 to spend? LIES. The people at TLC must have hired the propaganda department from Soviet Russia or something because I cannot fathom what part of this fantasy concept even remotely qualifies as "reality" tv.  It has been several MONTHS since we unwittingly took on this project and the end is just now peeking over the horizon.

Consider this a public service announcement: don't be fooled by hunky tv carpenters-- even if they are former J.Crew models-- who tell you DIY is easy/cheaper than hiring a professional.

Ty Pennington sits on a throne of lies
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If you do insist on ignoring my hard-earned wisdom and jumping on the DIY bandwagon, here's a handy To Do list for painting a room:

1. Spend at least a week picking a paint color [aka convince parents to consider something other than the 18 shades of white they selected]


2. Buy paint and supplies


3. Remember all of the things you left off the list and go back to the store [repeat 4x]


4. Wash the walls, put down drop cloths, tape every inch of trim


5. Develop irreversible crick in your neck [aka paint the ceiling]


6. Prime the now-clean walls [twice, if your walls are jerks like ours]


7. Ruin outfit by covering in paint [bonus points if you ruin shoes by stepping in paint tray]


8. Watch paint dry


9. Paint the walls [as you're doing this, suddenly realize you now hate the color]


10. Remove tape [freak out about every spot you missed]


11. Retape every inch of the room so you can paint the trim


12. Paint the trim [preferably while further aggravating your now-aching back]


13. Retouch the wall paint where you got trim paint on it


14. Retouch the trim where you got wall paint on it


15. Retouch the ceiling where you got wall and/or trim paint on it


16. Retouch the wall and/or trim where you got ceiling paint on it


17. Go insane

**Also, since this will likely take place over the course of several days, insert "Spend hour cleaning brushes" in between every other step.

OR you could do yourself, your family, and everyone who has to put up with your Facebook statuses a favor and look up "Contractor" in your local yellow pages. Then sit back, relax, and enjoy the hunky "reality" tv carpenters in your immaculately decorated room. Your choice.